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Thursday, December 16, 2010

Holiday "Karma"

Wonderful, So-True post today by Paperback Writer. I don't believe in "Karma" but this is a compelling case.

Thursday, December 16, 2010
Holiday Karma

If he picked out the expensive perfume in your stocking, prepare to smell like a mango, an opium addict or a streetwalker for the next six months.

If she picked out a special holiday sweater for you to wear, be prepared to flash, ring, shed sequins, itch unbearably and possibly have your manhood questioned.

If you bake your own cookies, no matter how carefully you plan, you will make too many or not enough. You will also burn the ones you're giving your boss but won't realize they're scorched on the bottom until he's about to take a bite.

The day after you finish all your holiday shopping someone will ask you to get a gift for someone who wasn't on your list. P.S., the recipient will be someone you don't know, someone you don't like, and/or insanely difficult to shop for.

The food item you are highly allergic to will be the secret ingredient in your neighbor's famous pumpkin bread. You will not discover this until after the emergency room visit.

The giant hole/termite infestation/occupied bird's nest in your Christmas tree will not become evident until you are putting on the last ornament.

The mail carrier you chewed out for delivering a battered box last July will assure that no gift package addressed to you ever again lands unscathed.

The mall Santa will smell like Ben-Gay, denture cream or Jack Daniels, and will go on his lunch break just as you and your exhausted preschooler reach the front of the line.

When he visits, your weird uncle will definitely ask where you've displayed put the semi-pornographic statue he gave you for your wedding.

While cooking dinner for your family you will drop something on the kitchen floor that 1) shatters into a million razor-sharp pieces, 2) creates a small lake of something nearly impossible to clean up fast (like cooking oil) and/or 3) is an essential part of the recipe for your entree, one you had to drive 20+ miles to purchase.

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